A Monday Morning Date
by EvidenceOfMe
Summary: What happened on the "date" Hotch and Prentiss had the next morning? Spoilers for the finale. Told from Emily's POV. One-shot.


**Hey! This is a one-shot about the "date" Prentiss and Hotch have after the season finale. So there are spoilers for the finale if you haven't seen it. This isn't really meant to be a romance, but it sort of ended up that way. Just more of a really strong friendship between Prentiss and Hotch. Told from Emily's POV. I thought they did a pretty good job with her exit, but I still wish there had been more and I am insanely sad that she is gone...again! **

**Reviews are very welcome! Hope you enjoy! **

A monday morning date…

I knocked on his office door; my pulse beating rapidly in uncalled for anticipation. I had no reason to be nervous, but since I'd left Dave's the night before, my body had refused to relax.

I knew it was what I had to do. It'd been the voice nagging in the back of my head the moment I'd come back to the BAU. There was a part of me that hadn't returned after Doyle.

There was a part of me that was buried in the ground under a false gravestone; a part of me that would never fully heal. And I prayed that just maybe, if I jumped in to something unknown, that that part of me would start to recover.

My fingers enclosed around the cold metal door knob and I entered the room; my heart racing with each slowly passing second.

He sat behind his desk; his eyes rising to meet mine as I took a tentative step forward. As his gaze settled on me, I could see the visible concern sink in; he knew why I was here.

I could tell he'd suspected last night, the way he held me close as we danced and how he looked into my eyes with an unabashed care and a love only a true friend could show.

Neither of us spoke as I took a seat in one of the two leather chairs opposite his desk. The silence wasn't awkward but neither of us was comfortable.

"Would you like to go somewhere else?"

I looked up; I knew he knew something but did he really know that I wanted to leave? "Excuse me?" I couldn't mask the surprise in my voice.

A smile tugged at his lips. "I meant someplace other than my office. Like I said before, I get tired of the prying eyes." He motioned to the window at his left, looking out at the bullpen.

Reid was at his desk with Garcia, both of them hurriedly turning away when they saw me looking. I smiled.

"Where did you have in mind?"

* * *

A few minutes later we stood together on the roof of the building. In all my time with the FBI, I'd never even thought of going there. But it was nice; you could be alone without being confined or trapped.

The sun was now fully shining, burning off the fog that settled. The warmth fell good on my cheeks, but somehow my body was still cold. And I knew why.

We stood a moment, side by side silence; both of us somehow knowing that we would most likely never share a moment such as this again. We were two souls that were normally so guarded and secret, together forming an unhidden bond that needed to words.

"After Hayley and I divorced I spent a lot of time up here. Since Foyet, even more." His voice was tender; he didn't even try to hide the emotion that crept into it. "No cameras; no people; no interruption."

"It's beautiful."

"You said you needed to talk?"

I turned to face him; already feeling the rush of warmth in my cheeks, only this time it wasn't from the sun. My mind calculated to quickest way to escape; just a few short sprints and I'd be by the door, one flight of stairs, to the elevator, my keys were at my desk, second drawer from the top, right side. I'd be out of the building in roughly five minutes. "Yes."

"You're leaving aren't you?"

I bit my lip, I couldn't leave now even if I wanted to; my body froze in realization. "Yes."

A sudden jolt of fear and excitement flooded into my veins. Somehow hearing him say it and hearing my own shaking voice confirm, made it all the more real and all the more terrifying.

"There was a message from Easter when I got in this morning. London will be nice."

I couldn't hide the confusing and slight anger the crossed my face. "That's not why I'm going."

"I know. But you're taking the job right?"

I sighed and turned to face him, all anger melting away. His eyes were sad and lost, and I almost broke down right there. Not exactly how I wanted my time with him to be; puffy eyed with a tear streaked face, standing on a rooftop in midmorning.

Clenching my jaw, I searched for the right words. "I can't go on pretending like nothing ever happened, Hotch."

"No one is asking you too."

"I am."

"You can't put that kind of pressure on yourself, Emily."

"I don't want to remember. I don't want to wake up screaming in the middle of the night because I feel Doyle's hands on me. I don't want to open my eyes and see Derek's face looking down on me with a look like he's about to lose a friend.

I don't want to feel guilt pull at my heart every time I see Reid, because I know the pain that he endured through everything. And know that I caused it.

I can't handle that. I can't just lock all those things in a tiny box and toss it to a corner of my mind. I want nothing more than to have it gone and out of my life forever.

But every new case we get, there's always something. Something that makes me remember, just one small detail and suddenly I'm thrust back into vivid memories of what happened.

And I am scared that one of these times I'm not going to make it back to reality."

I closed my eyes; silently cursing myself for my outburst. He must think I'm a completely insane.

"After Foyet I felt the same things. Any victim who had a son, any husband whose wife was murdered, any case with kids, and I was ready to get on plane as fast I could, just so I could hold Jack and tell him I loved him.

I didn't because I knew that's what Foyet would have wanted. He wanted to watch me crumble into nothing; he wanted to break me down. And I vowed to myself that even in his death he wouldn't do that to me.

So I made sure after every case I'd hold Jack close to me at night and tell him a story of Hayley and me. I took the broken pieces Foyet left behind and made them into something on my own terms."

"You think I should stay?" I watched as he rested his elbows on the railing and looked down at the world below us; it seemed so far away.

"No. I think you should go." He turned his head and our eyes met.

"Then why did you just talk about taking what's broken and making something new?" I searched his features for the answer but found nothing.

He turned to fully face me and our eyes locked; in an instant his mask was gone. "Emily, you know this team is your family; we would go to the end of the world for you because we know you would go even farther for us.

You are exceptional at what you do; you see things others don't and you can lay down a solid profile like no one else."

Shit.

I was going to cry. My vision blurred but I refused to look away; I refused to let go of this moment.

"And you're right. After Doyle, it's hard to find yourself again after something like that. It's hard to pull yourself back to reality and be okay with it. There are pieces of you that will never truly fit like they did before.

But it doesn't mean you're broken. It means you've changed. And as much as I love you, and as much as I'll miss you, you can't find yourself here.

What you're looking for lies in a different path; one where you can start over fresh. Ghosts of the past are always going to haunt you, but they don't have to define you."

Tears fell silently from my eyes. "I don't know what to say."

Hotch grasped my hand and took a step closer. His voice was soft as he spoke again, "Say that one day you'll come back, because there will always be an open desk for you as long as I'm here."

"You really think I should go?"

He smiled. "I think you knew the answer to that before you knocked on my door this morning."

I stood silently as tucked a strand of hair behind my ear; as his eyes bore into mine I felt naked and exposed, like he was looking right into my soul.

He smiled and softly placed a kiss on my cheek.

I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears but with little success. The warmth of his hand was gone as quickly as it had come.

The sound of the door closing jolted me back to reality. I was alone once again. I breathed in a shuddering breathe. It felt like a dream; the whole conversation, his touch, his presence.

I had to keep telling myself this was really happening. I was leaving. But this time it was on my own terms. It wasn't because of politics, or shadows from the past. It was because of me.

I needed it, even if I didn't like it.

And Hotch was right; this wasn't forever. This time I wasn't six feet under in an empty coffin. This time it was on my terms.

I smiled to myself; maybe this wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Because this wasn't the end of my story, it was just the beginning of another.

And somehow I knew, someday I'll make it back.

* * *

To my family, for you are truly more than colleagues or friends,

We have one chance at life. That's it. We can't change what happened in the past, just as we can't predict the future. We live one day at a time and overcome the obstacles of life as they appear before us.

And sometimes we have to change in order to move on, even if it means letting go of all we know and love; even when the unknown is more terrifying than anything we've faced.

You all know that after what happened with Doyle, something was missing. I felt that too, even though I had everything that I that I ever could have asked for. But it changed me.

It left scars both on the inside and out. And as much as I regret to say, some of those wounds have never healed and part of me fears that if I don't do something about it now, I won't ever recover.

I came back with the naïve hope that everything would be fine. And I kept lying to myself that it was. These past few days have shown me that life is short and it can change drastically and indefinitely in just seconds.

I leave you not because I choose too, but because I have no other option. I don't want to burn out and become another soul lost to the abyss. I want to go out on my own terms and I hope more than anything that one day I will come back.

Please don't be angry or sad; I only ask that when day come you welcome me once again with open arms, because you are the only true family I've ever known.

I've always heard every ending is also a beginning. We just don't know it at the time. I'd like to believe that's true.

So until our paths cross again, this is not goodbye, but merely a heartfelt farewell for now.

With all the love my heart could bear,

Emily


End file.
